craig-parker.net > Stage & Screen > Stage > Rocky Review
The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Auckland Theatre Company Production
By Tyellas
Greetings from Auckland, New Zealand. On November 30th, 2002, I saw Craig Parker in the Auckland Theatre Company production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show (let"s say RHPS for short). Most Craig Parker fans are aware that he is the actor who played the elf Haldir in the movie Fellowship of the Ring. However, he has been a substantial presence in New Zealand television, film, and theatre since the mid-1990s.
Like most fans, I became aware of Craig through his film role, and was hoping to see some more of him in the RHPS production. I'd found out from a review of the production that Craig was playing the most staid role in RHPS, The Narrator. I thought that this meant the audience would get a handful of Craig glimpses. Also, because I went to a show on Saturday night, when the production was doing two shows (one at 8 PM and one at midnight), the theatre management said the cast weren't doing autographs. So I felt a little subdued as I squirmed into my near-front-section seat (row D, row A was front row.) No Craig autograph; no Craig in stockings and high heels. Oh well. I sat back prepared to enjoy whatever I got. Little did I know.
I'd never seen the theatrical production of RHPS before (I've seen the movie, oh, 50 times), so I don't know whether the Narrator's role is always this large. But Craig was on stage for practically every minute of RHPS after the opening number, "Damn it, Janet."
When he first stepped out, a good section of the audience cheered just for him. I wasn"t the only Craig admirer in the house! When Craig stalked out, it was as if Haldir had been transposed into the film "Men in Black." He wore a black suit, with a black tie, white shirt, black sunglasses, neat dark hair (he's a brunette naturally), all the perfect setting for his strong, unmistakable face. He was a touch heavier than he had been when he played Haldir, but the broadness of his shoulders under the suit suggested that it was muscle. And the face was definitely Haldir's face, the nose, the eyes, the ever-so-sensual mouth. That's our boy.
He didn't play the Narrator straight - far from it. Every line dripped with lecherous double meaning. Another difference from the film version of RHPS was that Craig, like the entire cast, has tight, perfect comic timing.
The suit that was Craig's costume grew on me as I watched. There were about 10 extras, five men and five women, in deranged BDSM lingere, and the suit conferred on him the authority he needed amongst them as the RHPS Lord of Misrule.
He exerted this authority to the fullest during the prelude to, and during, the "Sweet Transvestite" numbers. During these parts, he remained among the chorus, all of them twining around each other in het, bi, and queer configurations to help bewilder Brad and Janet. I watched open-mouthed as corsets were stroked, kisses were mimed, torsos were pinched, and, let's just say that Craig continued to be assertive while this was going on. All of this so short-circuited my brain (in a good way) that I didn't pay much attention to the back-and-forth between Brad and Janet and Dr. Frank in the following scene.
In the scenes with Eddie and Rocky, Craig's great moments were catching Eddie's helmet when he threw it aside (he put it on and danced around for a bit) and "marrying" Frank N. Furter and Rocky before they went off for Frank to enjoy his new toy.
In the long Narrator-spoken introduction to the second part of the show, I think Craig was at his peak, mixing ever-so-subtle physical comedy with the purring delivery of his lubricious lines. There was no doubt in our mind that this Narrator character was savoring it all. "Yes, but isn't it nice?" said Frank, and you got the feeling the Narrator would have said so, too.
Craig's hamming it up came to the fore during the "I Wanna Be Dirty" song that Janet sings. First, he was joking around about getting off on watching Dr. Frank and Brad do each other, physical humor in a you-had-to-be-there kind of way. Then he circled around Janet without touching her, as if he was sinisterly drawing her into sexual pleasure. When Rocky showed up, so did the rest of the female chorus and Magenta and Columbia; Craig stood back among them. And they were all intertwined in one big love pile of further ear-licking writhing as Janet sang to Rocky.
Craig was absent during the "Floor Show" and "Coming Home" song scenes. But in the very last scene, Craig span the globe! Then he stepped forwards to intone the final lines, "Some insects"called the human race"lost in time"and lost in space"and meaning." The curtain went down on a stage full of collapsed Goth extras, with Craig the last man standing.
Wild applause.
Then the curtain came up again, and everyone came forwards for bows, applause continuing throughout. THEN the curtain went down again, and up again " and they were doing another round of bows, and getting ready to do "The Time Warp." Craig had taken off his pants. Yes, I was treated to the sight of Craig's gorgeous, muscular gams, wrapped only in a thin veneer of translucent black nylon. Of course, the crowd went wild, with further applause and many yells of "Wooooo!"
After that round of bows, they followed through on the promise of the music and started doing "The Time Warp." Some of us in the audience jumped up to dance along, and those of us in the front rows who did so were pulled up on stage by extras to dance with the cast. I was one of them. Alas, I was not at the end of the stage where Craig was, and I was flustered enough just trying to do "The Time Warp" right. I did get a glimpse of him as I dashed up, and he was very kindly showing an older, silver-haired lady the steps to the Time Warp. Such a gentleman! Even without his pants on!
When it was all over, I staggered away bedazzled, my friend teasing me ceaselessly about Craig. She greatly preferred the production's Rocky.
Anyhow, my mild Craig Parker appreciation has been turned into full-on fandom after seeing Craig on stage. It was fabulous to see Craig using his wicked wit to the fullest, having a great time and showing us all his gorgeous gams. All of Auckland has gone crazy for RHPS. It is being lavished with positive reviews from the New Zealand Herald, the Listener, and other media. As a result, RHPS was extended in Auckland for a full month beyond its original run, and I am taking the opportunity to go and see it again on January 14th. Madness takes its toll!